Consider the Lilies

With visible breath, I’m calling your name
With visible tracks, I’m finding my way
With a sorrowful heart, I honor this pain
And offer these tears to the rain

In a moment of truth at the top of the hill
I open my arms and let go of my will

And stand with my face to the wind
With the storm beating down on this sacred ground
If I stand for the grace that I’ve known
For what I believe
Then I won’t stand alone
No I won’t stand alone

There’s a new pair of eyes to embrace all I see
A new peace of mind and it comes quietly
There’s a joy in my heart that you’ve given to me
And I offer this soul’s melody

So I beat on my chest till my song has been sung
And I cry like a wolf at the top of my lungs

And stand with my face to the wind
With the storm beating down on this sacred ground
If I stand for the grace that I’ve known
For what I believe
Then I won’t stand alone
No I won’t stand alone

When the thundering voices of doubt try to shake my faith, oh
I’ll be listening from inside out and I won’t be afraid to

Stand with my face to the wind
With the storm beating down on this sacred ground
If I stand for the grace that I’ve known
For what I believe
Then I won’t stand alone
No I won’t stand…I won’t stand alone

Yesterday was one of those days again. There seem to be so many of those days these days!

We had a dicey few days before the conditions on the sale of our house were negotiated out and everything became final. It was touch and go and we were not sure we wouldn’t have to go ahead and put the house back on the market. Thankfully God heard our prayers and answered with a YES! The sale went through last night so now we get to start packing in earnest. We are already pretty much half packed so we don’t have too much to do yet.

So that was happy.

But in all of the craziness of an out of country move to a place where we have no solid work lined up (though God is making things somewhat clearer and I’ll share more when I feel free to) and no housing lined up yet either, we had to wrestle with the question of whether or not our animals could come with us.

As you probably know, we have two very sweet dogs, Bruce and Sally. Here they are.

We love these dogs.  But the fact is we do not have the luxury of buying and moving straight into a new home.  My parents are willing to house Bruce (the Golden) while we settle in and possibly until we find a place that either allows large dogs or until we buy a house.  But they couldn’t manage two dogs.

We wrestled with this so much.  We put ads up and took them down and put them up again.  I did this about three or four times because I so did not want to do it.  But ultimately we came to the decision that we could not manage to bring both of them.  We have had Bruce longer and we know my parents can handle him if needed.  So we had to find Sally a new home.

I love my sweet Sally.  She has an amazing personality and is such a sweetheart so I knew that the family that we chose had to be absolutely ideal.  I prayed for this.  Our gracious and loving God even hears prayers on behalf of our pets.  I heard from several people but didn’t have a really great feeling about any of them until I heard from a family that lives literally two blocks from us.  They have BOYS!  Sally loves her boys.  The Dad likes to go fishing and would appreciate a canine partner.  And the Mom is at home for several months until she starts work again so Sally will have plenty of time to get accustomed to her new arrangement with lots of daily interaction.  And now she has a little baby to love on also.

We got an update on how she did her first night and apparently she sat by the backdoor for a good while waiting to be brought back home but also spent some time watching the baby jump in the jolly jumper.

The only reason I can stand this (though not without choking up) is that God found our sweet girl an equally sweet family that will love her as much as we do.

Sally, sweet Sally, we will miss you.  Your boys cried their eyes out (and so did I) for a good 20 minutes before feeling they could go on and eat dinner.  You will always have a special place in our hearts.

And Bruce misses you too…

Sometimes you know something is right and you are moving in that direction and are still somehow surprised when God confirms every step of the way that it is all in His good plan. That would be right now for us.

We have known for several weeks now that deciding to resign and head back to California was the right thing for us to do. We didn’t have a ton of blazing road signs that screamed at us or pointed which direction to go. We just prayed and sought wise counsel and prayed some more and took one step at a time. And while we are not the type to look for or expect blazing road signs we have received confirmations at every turn, however blazing they may or may not have been.

But yesterday we seem to have received one fairly blazing sign that we are indeed on the right path and that He is weaving this story we find ourselves in. All last week my husband and I worked our tails off getting this house ready to go on the market. We honestly worked 12-15 hour days (he doing so between other work-related responsibilities) to get the house in tip-top condition. We had meetings and appointments every day. We had painters here, furnace people here, carpet cleaners here, our realtor here, house stagers here… and we squeezed some dental appointments in there too just for good measure. Not that we need clean teeth to sell the house… but we really just needed to get to the dentist before we find ourselves without coverage!

So we studied nearby homes and the prices they were selling for, we set a goal date by which we were hoping to close and through many dangers, toils and snares we got the house perfectly ready and on the market for a Saturday open house. We had a total of 5 formal showings outside of the open house and yesterday we received and accepted an offer on the house with the closing date that we desired, just after 5 days on the market.

That seems like a somewhat blazing road sign to me even though we would have been content with faint lines on the road if that’s all He decided to give us.

There are a few conditions but they are not likely to present any problems so we are prayerful and hopeful that we won’t run into any snags before closing day. We pack up and will be heading across that border, saying goodbye to our adopted homeland for the last time (though I’m sure we will visit again!) on March 31st, probably feeling a little bit like Abraham must have felt when God called him out of Ur but didn’t tell him just where He was taking him yet.

We know our general destination and thankfully we have a welcoming family who will take us in for a few weeks while we get our bearings and find ourselves a place to live and you know… hopefully a job.

The minute I found out that we had an offer on the house I jumped up and hollered with excitement but a split second later there was the strange realization that this thing IS happening. We ARE moving. We WILL be packing our things up and saying goodbye to our home, our neighbours, our dear friends and the places where our children have made almost all of their early childhood memories… the place to which we brought babies home and shared meals with friends and explored mountains and lakes and waterfalls and grand hotels in the sky.

Why and how God works will forever be a mystery to me. So many things are changing. Not just for us. There are so many people for me to pray for. People here. People at home in California. Old friends and new friends, each facing journeys and burdens and decisions that will alter the courses of their lives. I don’t know why I happen to know so many people who are going through such big changes and challenges all at once but it makes me aware of how nothing but the goodness and favor of God is sure in this life and that goodness and favor has many different faces which we often would be tempted to consider to be something other than the providence of a Holy God.

Every chapter we open and close is a chapter that He has written and we are to simply trust and obey the author knowing that He has the ending just as well in-hand as He does the very beginning, not only of our stories but of all stories. And He is weaving them masterfully together as only the author of all authors could, as only the one who writes writers into His story could. We may look at this thing He is weaving and wonder at it, thinking it is looking unwieldy and much too colorful for our taste, but guaranteed, He will be pleased with the outcome and will cinch up the ends and tie everything off at the proper time and in the proper place and in the proper way. And we simply have to read along, pray, trust and obey.

Through all the loops and curves and stitches and alterations… Do it in your own way Lord, but make us into something beautiful.

In Christ alone my hope is found
He is my light, my strength, my song
This cornerstone, this solid ground
Firm through the fiercest drought and storm

What heights of love, what depths of peace
When fears are stilled, when strivings cease
My comforter, my all in all
Here in the love of Christ I stand.

In Christ alone, who took on flesh
Fullness of God in helpless Babe
This gift if love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones He came to save

‘Til on the cross as Jesus died
The wrath of God was satisfied
For ev’ry sin on Him was laid
Here in the death of Christ in I live

There in the ground His body lay
Light of the world by darkness slain
Then, bursting forth in glorious day
Up from the grave He rose again

And as He stands in victory
Sin’s curse has lost it’s grip on me
For I am His and He us mine
Bought with the precious blood of Christ

No guilt in life, no fear in death
This is power of Christ in me
From life’s first cry to final breath
Jesus commands my destiny

No pow’r of hell, no scheme of man
Can ever pluck me from His hand
‘Til He returns or calls me home
Here in the pow’r of Christ I’ll stand

There are so many things we can get lost in.  So many peripherals.

I just want Jesus.

I highly recommend the Valley of Vision. It’s written in an old style but it is so very rich. So very convicting.

It has to be one of my all time favorite books next to the Bible.

The Awakened Sinner

Oh, my forgetful soul,
Awake from thy wandering dream;
turn from chasing vanities,
look inward, forward, upward,
view thyself,
reflect upon thyself,
who and what thou art, why here,
what thou must soon be.

Thou art a creature of God
formed and furnished by him,
lodged in a body like a shepherd in his tent;
dost thou not desire to know God’s ways?

Oh God,
Thou injured, neglected, provoked benefactor,
when I think upon thy greatness and thy goodness
I am ashamed at my insensibility,
I blush to lift up my face,
for I have foolishly erred.
Shall I go on neglecting thee,
when every one of thy rational creatures should love thee,
and take every care to please thee?
I confess that thou has not been in all my thoughts,
that the knowledge of thyself as the end of my being
has been strangely overlooked,
that I have never seriously considered my heart-need.
But although my mind is perplexed and divided, my nature perverse,
yet my secret dispositions still desire thee.
Let me not delay to come to thee!
Break the fatal enchantment that binds my evil affections,
and bring me to a happy mind that rests in thee,
for thou hast made me and canst not forget me.
Let thy Spirit teach me the vital lessons of Christ,
for I am slow to learn;
And hear thou my broken cries!

The Convicting Spirit

Thou blessed Spirit, Author of all Grace and Comfort,
Come, work repentance in my soul;
Represent sin to me in its odious colours that I may hate it;
Melt my heart by the majesty and mercy of God;
Show me my ruined self and the help there is in him;
Teach me to behold my creator,
his ability to save,
his arms outstretched
his heart big for me.
May I confide in his power and love,
commit my soul to him without reserve,
bear his image, observe his laws, pursue his service
and be through time and eternity
a monument to the efficacy of his grace,
a trophy of his victory.
Make me willing to be saved in his way,
perceiving nothing in myself, but all in Jesus:
Help me not only to receive him but
to walk in him,
depend upon him,
commune with him,
be conformed to him,
follow him

imperfect but still pressing forward,
not complaining of labour, but valuing rest,
not murmuring under trials, but thankful for my state.
Give me that faith with is the means of salvation,
and the principle and medium of all godliness;
May I be saved by grace through faith,
live by faith,
feel the joy of faith,
DO the work of faith.
Perceiving nothing in myself, may I find in Christ
wisdom, righteousness, sanctification, redemption.

Oh and please listen to this song which is taken from this amazing book as well. It’s one of my current faves as I always have it in my head.

Every Sunday now is bittersweet.

Sweet because it’s the Lord’s Day and we are blessed with wonderful friends whom we love at church.  Sweet because we get to worship and listen to the preaching of God’s word… and well, I am sort of biased and I absolutely love listening to my husband preach.  I guess it’s partly because I am with him as he processes and learns what he is going to preach… but he never “practices” and rarely gives me glimpses into what the sermon will actually look like because it’s a work in progress all week until God pulls all of it together at the end like a seamstress does.

Bitter because each Sunday is tinged with sadness and punctuated with tears as we are so sad to be saying goodbye to these dear friends and we know that the road ahead is as bumpy for them as a body as it could be for us in our following God to the place He leads next… which is still open ended.  We still do not know for sure what is next.  We continue to wait.  There are no guarantees that we can point to and say, “This is what our life will look like six months from now.”   But the one guarantee is that Christ is all and is in all and He will not abandon us.  Nor will he abandon the people in the church family we have been a part of for seven years.  Life will look markedly different for us in this next phase and, similarly, the church will go through a period of many changes.

What will we look like on the other side of this transition?  Where will we be?  What will be our new “title” and our new calling?  How will God grow us through the process?  The same questions hold for our family, my husband as an individual… me, our children… as they do for the church body and the individuals that make it up.  Whatever happens it will be a period of growth and a period of testing for all.

All of this makes Sundays that much sweeter and that much sadder.  We labored over this decision and prayed and sought advice and wisdom, ultimately coming to the decision that God has led us to.  And now our sweet church body must go through those same struggles that we endured.  My heart is with them, and aches for them.  More than anything I pray that they would seek God in prayer, perhaps like never before, with a true openness to the unknown and uncharted to which they might be called… and that they might take the steps that God leads them to no matter how hard they are, leaving the results to God… seeking first His Kingdom and His righteousness.  He is so good.  I have been reminded over and over again lately that God doesn’t just give his children a hard “NO” when they truly seek Him… His “no” always means He has something better for us… even when better might not have the face that we expect it to.

Please keep our church in your prayers.

Ephesians 3:14-21 For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

There are things I need to do before leaving this beautiful, lovely country which I’ve called home for the last seven years.  I mean things other than get the interior of the house painted, have carpets cleaned, have ducts cleaned, sell pieces of furniture, pack a bazillion books, pictures, decorations, etc.  We have seen so much beauty and truly loved our city.  Yes, winter is looooong and cold but Calgary is a beautiful place.  The Canadian Rockies are some of the most majestic mountains on the planet I believe.  There are some places that I must see for the first time or visit one last time before we move.  I don’t know that I’ll actually be able to pull them all off but it’s a wish-list anyway.

* We must get back out to Banff one more time to see those beautiful mountains again.

* We must see Head Smashed In Buffalo Jump before we move.  What is this you say?  It is a place where natives used to drive herds of buffalo over cliffs for easy killing.  One time a kid apparently stood just where the buffalo would land.  And well… he got his head smashed in.  We gotta visit that spot.

* I need to go back downtown and eat Shawarma again.  I must.  I love Shawarma Station.  They have the best Shawarma ever… even though I’ve never had Shawarma anywhere else.  Why go anywhere else?  You can’t improve on perfection.  Sam makes the best Shawarma ever.

* I need to eat at Pieter’s Drive-In one more time.

* We need to go sledding one more time.

* I need to do coffee with all of my girl friends, need to have everyone over, need to drink up every last bit of fellowship with these people who have been our people for the past seven years.

* Get the dogs out in the snow for a romp one more time.

* Need to take more snow pictures.

There are so many more things… I can’t really name them all let alone actually do them all.  I still can’t believe we are moving… and aren’t sure yet what is next still.  But there is something very calming about knowing we are being lead by the Holy Spirit in all His unpredictableness.

This world is not my home, I’m just a passin’ through
If heaven’s not my home then Lord what will I do?
The Angels beckon me from Heaven’s open door
and I can’t feel at home in this world anymore.

I know I’m not the only one that feels that way.  First of all because… well, there was a song written about it so at least one other person has felt that way.  But I think really, everyone feels like this at some point or another.  Maybe frequently even.  There is always a sense of not belonging or that things are not really as they should be because we innately know there is something more… someplace right… a lasting home.  It’s as indelible as the restlessness we feel “until we find our rest in Him.”

Once again we are being reminded of just where our ultimate home is.  After almost seven years living here in Canada, which certainly encompasses the whole life of this blog, we are now preparing to move.  Where to?  We don’t know yet but God has clearly been making known to us that He is calling us elsewhere and as His sheep we must follow Him.

The watchman opens the gate for him, and the sheep listen to his voice. He calls his own sheep by name and leads them out. When he has brought out all his own, he goes on ahead of them, and his sheep follow him because they know his voice.

Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.

He tends his flock like a shepherd:
He gathers the lambs in his arms
and carries them close to his heart;
he gently leads those that have young.

After months of prayer and wrestling, after seeking much wisdom, prayer and guidance from older and wise Christians and elders, my husband has tendered his resignation with our church.  This decision was not an easy one to make.  This is the place we have lived the longest in our married life so it is more home to us than any place we have lived together.  It is where our kids have largely grown up and where two of them were born.  We have many dear, dear friends here whom we will miss greatly.  But when the Shepherd goes ahead of us and leads us out, we must follow Him because we know His tender voice and we know He is a good shepherd who will not lead us into a thicket.  We know He will gently lead us and carry us and our children close to His heart.  He knows the vulnerability and fears that can take hold of those that are not just following but following while caring for little ones.

We need your prayers as we seek God’s guidance and provision for the next steps in our lives, for where He may be calling us to minister.  We have one possibility that we are especially praying for.  I won’t mention it specifically but it is an opportunity that would bring us a great deal of joy should God choose to grant it to us. With it remaining unnamed I would ask that you pray that God would grant this desire of our hearts and grant us patience to wait for His answers and grace to accept them one way or another.

I’m confident in this;  God always has the best in mind for those that belong to Him.  So we are perfectly safe in His care.

A friend’s husband shared an allegory recently on his blog. It’s about Pioneer Theology and Settlers Theology.  There is a certain sense of adventure in the Pioneer way of thinking… and a certain sense of wonder as the Pioneer is never quite sure where his next meal is coming from.  But if they stick with the Buffalo Hunter, they will always be fed.  So we are following the Buffalo Hunter… er… the Good Shepherd.  And we will see how He provides.

Pray for us if you think about it.  We appreciate all prayers.  Many times people say things like, “I can’t do anything so I’ll just pray.”  But friends, prayer is a concrete activity.  We are speaking to the creator of the universe, our audience of One.  We have His ear and as my then three year old said it, “His heart is big towards us.”

We are resting in the bigness of His heart towards us.  For that is the one place we will always call home.

I love this song.